I feel like the entire review could just be the word, “BOGUS!”  That’s all.  Drop the mic.

Or perhaps you could do a bunch of the poop emojis?  That’s all.  Drop the mic.  Review over.

But, poop emojis are not very “search engine optimized” and we need page views, so let’s talk about the fact that Glenn is not dead.

Glenn’s survival is problematic on so many levels.

1) His “death” was deliberately contrived to mislead the audience.  This wasn’t a cliffhanger where things looked bad for Glenn, but “tune in next week…”  The creators of the show deliberately created that scene to make it look like Glenn was dead.  If you change the camera angle so that you could see that Glenn was trapped under Nicholas’ body as the zombies pulled him apart, then THAT would be a cliffhanger.  As the audience, we’d say, “Holy crap.  How the heck does Glenn get away from THAT situation?”  Deliberately misleading the audience, especially in a way that we all saw through pretty quickly, is really patronizing.  I mean, how stupid do they think we are?  

2) They made us wait for weeks to confirm what most of us figured out a day or two after “Thank you” aired.  Again, you have to ask how stupid do they think we are?  It was such a transparent and manipulative non-death that it needed to be clarified the next episode and not weeks later.

3) Glenn’s escape isn’t believable.  How in the world did Nicholas’ body keep all those zombies from biting Glenn’s face, hands or legs?  It just doesn’t pass as credible from what we’ve seen on this show for six seasons.  True, zombies have been shown to LOVE THE GUTS, but do the zombies down by Glenn’s legs just wait until there is room at the gut pile, or do they just bite the wiggly legs right in front of them.  Zombies have also been shown to LOVE THE NECK and Glenn’s neck was right there.  The show needed a more credible escape for Glenn to survive that mess.

4) Why did the zombies wander off?  This very episode showed that zombies will bang against the walls of Alexandria for days on end just because they heard some bumping noises or one of Rick’s speeches.  How in the world would they leave fresh meat just under the dumpster?  At first, when they showed Glenn trying to drink with the zombies clawing at him, I thought it could be neat to see how he’d survive until someone rescued him.  I mean, Enid was right there.  Just have her create a distraction for the zombies.

5) There are no stakes for the main characters.  This show is already having a problem with BIG characters not being vulnerable.  While it is true that characters like Tyrese and Bob have died, they always felt like supporting characters whose actors were on a 10-episode contract.  Morgan is the same.  I expect Morgan to die at some point just because Lennie James probably wants to go back to doing Shakespeare.  But, I feel like Rick, Carol, Michonne, Maggie and Glenn are invincible.  How can a show about life and death have drama when there are only stakes for the random people of Alexandria and bit characters like Rosita?

Ugh! Do we have to talk about the rest of the episode?  I guess so, huh?

The whole thing with Enid is also tiresome.  Who cares?  I certainly don’t.  Why are we wasting time on Enid when the rest of the cast (Carol?) are barely getting any attention week-to-week.  So, watching Glenn try to convince her that she needs to come back home was just a dud.

How about Spencer trying to zip-line to go get a car and help?  That was also lame.  There is no drama when the viewer can barely remember the name of the character in peril.  I don’t know what the show does to fix this.  The only characters we care about, we think they are invincible.  The only characters who are in peril, we don’t care about whether they live or die.

And did anyone enjoy Machete Rosita?  Why the hell is anyone taking machete lessons from a chick with huge hoop earrings?  When has the show established Rosita as a machete expert?  I mean, I could see someone asking Morgan, “Hey man….you’re pretty badass with that staff.  Mind teaching me a few moves?”  Or I could see someone asking Michonne for sword tips.  But why would anyone want Rosita lessons?  She’s barely even been a character before now.

RON!  By all means, lets have more lame teenage boy drama.  It did look like he was going to pop a cap in Carl before the tower fell in, but they dodged that.  It would have been better to show it happen: Get rid of Carl (who adds nothing at this point) and let Rick feel horrible for teaching Ron to shoot.  But, the show telegraphed it and ruined the drama.  Or maybe that’s how they think drama works?

Okay, if you’re mature enough to sift through the farty mess that this episode was, there were a couple of positives.

I liked when Rick, Carol and Michonne confronted Morgan about his pacifism and pointed out that it could have consequences.  We all know that Carol doesn’t play with people who make the group less safe.  And she and Morgan have had a few character moments where I’d buy it if she killed Morgan when she found out he was holding the Wolf alive.   Plus, he probably wants to get back to the theatre.

I also liked the irony of the watchtower smashing the wall just after Rick and the Alexandria Guy worked so hard to brace the obvious weakness in the wall.  I mean, they worked really hard on that, but it doesn’t matter because shit happens.  Just when Rick tries to believe in fixing up Alexandria, it turns on him in a random way.

-Dean Stell

Grade

D

Conclusion

Just a weak, weak episode... A reminder of everything this show is terrible at... And patronizing to boot!