Herc #8 – Review

By: Greg Pak & Fred Van Lente (writers), June Brigman (penciller), Roy Richardson (inker), Jesus Aburtov (colorist)

The Story: Herc learns that even a hideous mutation can’t stop him from scoring with the ladies.

The Review: From what I’ve gathered, Spider-Island sure sounds like a fun romp.  But from the point of view of this title, the premise of the event comes across one-dimensional, random, and utterly pointless.  Having every Manhattanite, hero, villain, and civilian alike, transform into arachnid mutants may be a fun idea in theory, but once you have them, the question becomes: what do you do with them?  Cause a fly genocide?

Well, in Herc’s case, you can just sic him on a handful of X-Men for pretty much no reason other than because it pleases the Queen of Spider-Island for him to do so.  The ensuing action has its moments, like Storm whipping up a wind strong enough to launch Wolverine in a fastball special, but these hero-versus-hero battles rarely manage to gain much tension.  It’s not like there’s any real danger of them actually killing each other, so what’s to fear?

Throughout the issue, you get the overwhelming sense that Pak-Van Lente struggled to contrive a plausible reason to tie the series into this ridiculous storyline.  While the gags involving Herc in a Spider-Man outfit do kind of tickle you, they also seem uninspired and predictable.  The peak of all this craziness comes when Herc, buried under the rubble of a car explosion, rises from the ashes, spider-ized from the waist down.  It looks even sillier than it sounds.

Ultimately, the whole conflict falls out of our hero’s hands anyway, as Arachne, spider-bottomed herself, demands the Queen release Herc, and only Herc, from the thrall of her hive-mind.  What motivates Arachne’s good deed?  Think about it—this lady hasn’t had much action for millennia thanks to her cursed appearance.  So when a strapping bear of a man with eight legs and a bulbous behind shows up, what else, or who else would she do?

Aside from that apparently disgusting bit of debauchery, the only other plotline which bears any interest, and not much at that, is the return of “Anansi.”  If only he brought a more potent goal with him besides merely wanting to steal Arachne’s tapestry.  Again—why?  “Anansi…wants all the stories.”  And again—why?  Whatever the reason, it apparently has enough worth to attract the services of Electra.  Too bad you can’t say the same for your attention span.

Impatience has finally kicked in.  It is absolutely inexcusable that a series can go this long without providing a fully-functioning overarching plot.  Mostly, the title rides on the likability of its star, which can only go so far.  If you look at Herc from the first issue and compare him to where he stands now, you can’t help but realize just how very little he’s come.

Brigman’s barely competent art has almost no ability to generate momentum for the script.  Just look at her one-page splash of Herc impaling Wolverine with his sword, probably one of the most underwhelming splashes I’ve seen.  The clunky line work makes steel beams look more like giant straws, and it seems like Brigman has very little sense of drama.  When Herc rises from the rubble as a true spider-man, why does he just have his arms hanging at his sides?

Conclusion: After reading this issue, it should come as no surprise to anyone one why this title faces cancellation in a few months.  The completely bewildering plot, the flat characters, and the lifeless art all make for forgettable reading.

Grade: C-

– Minhquan Nguyen

Some Musings: – On the other hand, Herc and Arachne’s risky business results in a great line from Emma Frost: “…people used to pay several million at the Hellfire Club for a show of this caliber.”